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This lead me to reading more about Dr. Housel and her blog.  This is one smart lady and she has a very unique viewpoint.  One of her blog posts was about Enabling the Enabled. In it, she speaks of how we are strangling the lessons learned when we fail by giving ribbons, prizes, and awards for being normal.  Being exceptional is no longer prized and I do agree with her.

She also speaks about how this affects younger people.  How they are terrified of failure.  How they have never had the opportunity to experience the fact that failure does not mean the end of the world.

I suppose I am lucky, growing up I learned about failure, often the hard way.  You get thrown off, you get up, check for broken bones, but you get up and start again.  Yes it is frightening, putting in a lot of work on something that even if you do your best it might not be good enough.  Yes, it hurts to know that sometimes you have to push even farther than your best.

But that is how we grow; as a person and as an artist.

Failure is not an end. Not to a career, not to a dream and not even to a story.

A rejection should be seen as a challenge.  It is just another step to climb up.  A good story is a good story, however, everyone, even the best of writers and artists have room for improvements.  Perhaps the story doesn’t fit the market, perhaps the editor had already chosen a story close to it. Don’t always take a rejection personally.

However, do take a look at the work and any comments that are attached. Look for place for improvement.  For instance, in many of my short stories, the ending falls flat.  I have had a few comments from different markets and I try to make myself aware of this as I write.  I try to ask my beta readers (bless them all) how the ending feels. If it is a let down, or doesn’t make much of an impact, that means I need to try it again.

Rejections are not failures, they are just another chance at being a success.

I am very thankful that Christmas is over. The past two weeks have been very stressful. Next year I will be better prepared with alcohol, chocolate and good friends. The kids had a good time. I’ll post photos on FB later this evening. Parents seemed to enjoy what they got. I have new clothes to wear to work! :D

In a previous post on WordPress, Starting off my New Year, I listed some of my goals for 2011. Well I am going to count this for 2011, since the TOC will be announced later. My short story, “Rachel’s Journal,” was accepted on Christmas Day for the In Situ anthology for Dagan Books! It will be my first sale!

I will have more details later and have some edits to work on. But I really CAN call myself an author now!

I'm not usually quick to anger, in fact, I'd say very little gets me going, but when it does, I have a hard time putting my anger into a little bottle where it can be neatly contained.

Yesterday kind of opened up a bottle that I thought I had neatly under control.

When I left my x, a little over 2 years ago, I literally left with nothing.  My clothes, my bed, my computer, some dishes, my books, art supplies and promises that "he would be fair" since he already hired a lawyer.  If I had known what "fair" was, I would have moved in with my parents and gotten a lawyer myself.  But I didn't, my fault and it still burns my tail.

It took most people a year to realize that I wasn't living with the idiot anymore.  I didn't proclaim it to everyone, I just quietly made my own life. No one asked if I needed anything.  No one asked if  I needed help. I simply got looks from people;  some "it was about time" and others "what did you do that for?"

So fast forward to just before Thanksgiving. The x gets fired.

Now, before you go, aww  poor guy, take a listen.  For one, he has been consistently late for the past 10 years that I know of.  He would at times stay up late watching TV go to sleep at 4 a.m. and then get aggravated at me because I tried to get him up at 7:30 for work. Eventually, I gave up.  If he didn't want to get his ass off the couch (he didn't sleep in bed with me) and go to work he was going to get fired.  Well, that never happened.  He used up his vacation time every year with being late, or just not wanting to go to work and got written up a few times.

Another thing, the man has no intention of stepping up and doing more than he has to. He's not lazy, per se, he just doesn't want to put more effort into anything than he has to. I told him many times, that if he pushed a little, learned a few things, then he could move up and be a supervisor. No, he never wanted to do that, even though the supers, never did a good job at anything and he could do a much better job.

So he ends up getting fired because he got into it with another employee. I'm not sure if it was physical, but probably was since he got canned. The fact of the matter is, with this economy, you keep your mouth shut, your head down and let the supervisors take care of things, not have a fight with another employee.  If you have a problem with someone (and over the years I heard a lot of bad mouthing from him about other people) keep it to yourself and don't take it upon yourself to correct behavior.

The thing that frustrates me is, since he was fired, there is all of this outpouring of sympathy for him.  W!T!F! people!  He was an ass at work and got fired. Don't give him pats on the back and tell him things are going to be okay.  He had a good job!  He got paid well for the area.  HE SCREWED UP! and all I hear is poor Mark...

I wanted to gag last night when the kids youth pastor asked if things were okay and if the kids would have Christmas. Yea, they are going to have Christmas. The x has an older bachelor brother who has never had kids and bails out his little brother often enough.  Heck, the idiot halves his expenses by living with his GF on the weeks he doesn't have the boys.  He has a support system that hasn't been taxed and stretched and pulled every which way like mine has. (over the past 10 years there has been 1 bout of cancer, youngest sister; 4divorces/separations; various medical emergencies including: black widow bite, emergency surgery, and mom tearing tendons on both sides of her foot; along with pay cuts and layoffs.)

You know, I appreciate those that want to help. After all, it is the kids who are going to suffer right?  *grumbles* But you know what?  It has been very UNFAIR that not one person has approached me from the community and asked me if I needed anything.  It has been very frustrating that I stay home week after week because my job barely pays the bills while he goes to bars, the races, sees movies and has a good time.  He gets to play the high life while I lay low and keep moving on.

This is why when the boys are older, I will not be staying in this community.  The "good old boy" syndrome is rampant.  I left a man because he was an abusive ass, and what did I get?  Cold shoulders. Glares. Admonishment that I left a "good man."

One of these days, I will be very happy to be gone.

Even though New Year’s Day is more than a month away,  I would like to start off my new year tomorrow.  Why? you might ask, well tomorrow I turn 36.  40 is looming in the not so distant future and believe it or not, my life is more than likely half over.  When you think of it that way, you look back on what you have already accomplished and wonder if you have done enough.

My crowning achievement so far is my boys.  They are teenagers (or almost). And I think I have done a pretty good job at raising them.  They are smart, funny, and have a lot to offer they world they will be living in.  I am trying to give them the skills that they will need to be successful and happy in life.

This past year I have made huge improvements in my writing.  From actually submitting my work, to writing out side my comfort zone, I have written things that I would not have  thought I could in years before.  While not paying markets, I have had two acceptances to online zines.  I have also gotten involved with the writing community.  Interning with Dagan Books doing slush work and Apex Book Company doing various eBook formatting and coordinating FB and Twitter posts will definitely increase my awareness on what is quickly becoming what I want to do with my life.

Perhaps the happiest thing that has changed this year is the realization that my wonderful CraftyMan is going to be up here with me soon.  Two years of online contact has left me no doubts at to who he is and what kind of person he is.  All I can say is I love him tremendously and want him HOME here with me.

I am looking forward to next year.

For one, I will continue submitting my stories.  I will have at lest 3 out every month.  I am hoping for at lest 1 professional sale ( 5¢ per word) next year along with some semi-pro stories.

My goal for novels are to complete Tyger’s Eye (mid January) and at least begin the third of the series (complete by about November/December of2011).  I also want to begin to edit Dragon Masque starting at about June of next year. My goal is to have Dragon’s Masque ready for submissions by January of 2012.

I would like to do more drawing in 2011, and to that end, I will keep a sketch pad with me more often. In other words, I need to stash some paper and pencils here at the office.  I’m not the greatest artist but I have always enjoyed drawing and painting.  I intend on increasing my time doing both of those this year.

Starting in December, 2010, I am going to dedicate one evening a week (at least) to more beadwork.  I have several projects that are still sitting around waiting on me to come back to.  Finishing them and working on some new projects will keep my mind flexible.  I also intend on putting up an Etsy shop.  As there are few opportunities to sell beadwork here where I live, hopefully I can pull in some sales.

Along with keeping up my blog, the kids, the house and research, I need to lose some weight.  So December 1, starts 45 min to 1 hour of walking or 30-45 minutes of some sort of exercise video.  My goal is to lose 20 pounds by May that is 3 pounds a month, plenty doable.

So that is what I plan for the next year, how about you?